[debian-devel:12887] Re: OT: toasted humor was (Re: bad press at www.linuxworld.com)

[Taketoshi Sano <kgh12351@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

佐野＠浜松です。

 debian-boot list で見かけたんですが、ちょっと面白かったんで
こっちにも回覧します。たぶん -devel@Org で読んでる人も多い
でしょうけれど、見過ごしてしまった人もいるかもしれないので。

けっこう長いです。

In <20000916225532.A3050@janet>,  on "Sat, 16 Sep 2000 22:55:32 -0700',
   with "OT: toasted humor was (Re: bad press at www.linuxworld.com)",
 esoR ocsirF <rosef@xxxxxxx> さん wrote:

> On Thu, Sep 14, 2000 at 11:26:58AM -0500, Steve Greenland wrote:
> > 
> > Now, there are definitely places where the install could be improved,
> > (this is news?), but I'm really tempted to ignore people who can't be
> > bothered to read the owners manual. This is an operating system, not a
> > toaster.
> > 
> This reference to a toaster was to much to pass up. My apologies in
> advance if this is an unwanted intrusion but in my opinion humor is
> always waranted.
> 
> 
> If IBM made toasters...
> 
>   They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be
> 
>   submitted for overnight toasting.  IBM would claim a worldwide
> 
>   market for five, maybe six toasters.
> 
> 
> If Xerox made toasters...
> 
>   You could toast one-sided or double-sided.
> 
>   Successive slices would get lighter and lighter.
> 
>   The toaster would jam your bread for you.
> 
> 
> If Radio Shack made toasters...
> 
>   The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about
> 
>   it.  Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.
> 
> 
> If University of Waterloo made toasters...
> 
>   They would immediately spin off a company called WatToast.
> 
> 
> If ParcPlace made toasters...
> 
>   Their OO building block system would be called EGGO.
> 
> 
> If Oracle made toasters...
> 
>   They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and
> 
>   styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel
> 
>   Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three
> 
>   years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing
> 
>   smoke.
> 
> 
> If Sun made toasters...
> 
>   The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa
> 
>   Java.
> 
> 
> Does DEC still make toasters?...
> 
>   They made good toasters in the '80s, didn't they?
> 
> 
> If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
> 
>   They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast
> 
>   and gives you regular bread.
> 
> 
> If Tandem made toasters...
> 
>   You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a piece got burned the
> 
>   toaster would automatically toast you a new one.
> 
> 
> If Thinking Machines made toasters...
> 
>   You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same time.
> 
> 
> If Cray made toasters...
> 
>   They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other
> 
>   single-slice toaster in the world.
> 
> 
> If The Rand Corporation made toasters...
> 
>   It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube.
> 
>   Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it.  Their
> 
>   service department would have an unlisted phone number, and the
> 
>   blueprints for the box would be highly classified government
> 
>   documents. The X-Files would have an episode about it.
> 
> 
> If the NSA made toasters...
> 
>   Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could
> 
>   access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of
> 
>   national security.
> 
> 
> If Sony made toasters...
> 
>   The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece
> 
>   of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to
> 
>   your belt.
> 
> 
> If Timex made toasters...
> 
>   They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters that
> 
>   take a licking and keep on toasting.
> 
> 
> If Fisher Price made toasters...
> 
>   "Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to
> 
>   toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.
> 
> 
> If the Franklin Mint made toasters...
> 
>   Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece
> 
>   of your authentic hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster.
> 
> 
> If CostCo made toasters...
> 
>   They'd be really cheap, as long as you bought a six-pack of 'em.
> 
> 
> And, of course:
> 
> 
> If Microsoft made toasters...
> 
>   Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a
> 
>   toaster.  You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still
> 
>   have to pay for it anyway.  Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds
> 
>   (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough
> 
>   electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in
> 
>   your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you
> 
>   control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would
> 
>   secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made
> 
>   them.  Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless
> 
>   would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their
> 
>   toasters.
> 
> 
> If Apple made toasters...
> 
>   It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years
> 
>   earlier.
> 
> (and finally)
> If the FSF made toasters...
> 
>   Your toaster would be available completely free of charge. It
>   
>   would toast any type of bread, it would toast it _exactly_ how you 
>   
>   wanted it, but you might have to reassemble it in order to get 
> 
>   your toast perfect. 
> 
> 
> -- 
> Frisco Rose             "By any other name, I would smell the same"
> E.O.U. Stud.             rosef@xxxxxxxxxxxxx         rosef@xxxxxxx
> Physics                  Mathematics 	          Computer Science
> 
> If all the ipv6 addresses were distributed evenly across the planets
> surface, there would be roughly 423,354,243,695,259,002,656 per square inch.
> And, no, I don't know what this has to do with anything.

-- 
     ＃ (わたしのおうちは浜松市、「夜のお菓子」で有名さ。)
    <kgh12351@xxxxxxxxxxx> : Taketoshi Sano (佐野　武俊)